I love writing, and I appreciate that I feel safe enough with those of you receiving this bi-weekly note to be honest. This is the honest truth for me right now. I have deep-seated trauma from spending 11 years (from age 7 – 18) in a country that was at war. This trauma was exacerbated being part of a political family. My family has sheltered those who were being persecuted until they found safe passage to other countries. I have been just blocks away from bomb explosions in the city, and even remember when the Parliament was bombed with both my father and grandfather inside.

I was blessed that my immigration story was not as a refugee (although several of my friends of a different ethnicity have a different story). I chose to come to America for college, met the love of my life here, and the rest has been very good history. Maybe this is the reason I approach my career as realtor a bit differently. I know the value of finding a home that is a sanctuary; a place where you are safe and free.

Living in America right now is hard. I am grappling with living through a time that is frightening, especially as an immigrant. People who look like me are being targeted and taken away. While I am here legally and have dual citizenship, it doesn’t lessen the fear that I carry within me; that there is very little protecting me from the same fate, because of my skin color. I am watching as democracy in what used to be a great nation is being burnt to the ground. On some days, the dissonance is too much to bear – to move through each day, in this skin, in an environment that is increasingly racist, xenophobic, homophobic and leading with hate instead of love.

I have stopped paying attention to the news which seems to bring a new fresh hell each day. When at work, I focus on my clients, many of whom are also friends, and take steps to help them achieve their objectives. I listen to real estate market updates so I can stay relevant and be a strategic advisor for buyers and sellers. In the evenings, with my family, I draw them into focus and shower all the love I have on them. I keep dancing. I move on my yoga mat, sometimes through tears. I get outside in the sunshine.

I am actively working through how to “do life” and be of service each day. Gratitude helps but feels hollow after a few hours of being “in the day”. Drawing people I love closer to me helps. Bringing what is most important into focus helps. But it takes a different toll on me today than it did before.

What are you doing to carry on? What tools are you reaching for? I am all ears and all heart.